I turned 24 24 hours 2 hours and 57 minutes ago. By the end of this post, it will be 3 hours and some time.
It feels especially important to mark this moment in time, because I will never experience this exact thing ever again.
For the past couple of years, I have had the same wish. I can’t tell you what it is because then it wouldn’t come true. Well, it’s one wish, and some additional footnotes. I feel like it’s an act of continuous hoping, of always finding the light in everything.
I talk about last year as if I went to war. I really did. As in, I couldn’t see who I was. I would take a photo, wear my favorite clothes and despise the drag of a body that keeps caving inwards. I’m not one to blame the world, but why did you have to give me every single lesson possible within days, weeks, months span? Do I deserve a hell of a bitch slapping ass whooping?
On my 23rd birthday, my dad got baptized. It was a day so not about me and very much about my dad’s rebirth in Christ. People from his church said now you guys have the same birthday! As a Leo, that pissed me off. It was a blessing in disguise in a way, to see my dad as a boy and to pay no attention to my misery. I didn’t find much to live for then.
On Saturday night, I couldn’t stop smiling as Jake drove us home from Izzi’s party. I couldn’t contain my face, my jaw clenching so hard because I couldn’t smile any bigger. We were listening to some bullshit with Sey, Maya and Cher. It was perfect. We watched Doom Generation when we got home. It was okay, not my favorite Gregg Araki movie. Joel emailed me later, and that was the best way to end my night. He is an amazing writer and the bestest guy in the world. And oh, sleeping on the couch, my favorite place on earth.
Looking backwards in moving forward, I am happy because I have you, her, them and everyone. The bounds of love are so grand that it cannot ever be contained in romance. The possibilities of love are so infinite that it will never be shackled by simple words. You have to just feel it.
Even in the dumps last year, watching Madagascar with my New York girls was the best time ever. I’d never seen the Madagascar franchise, and hell is it fantastic.
Even in the shitter, I found myself a small courage to meet wonderful people I have in my life now. I was never afraid, duh!
I write about the same things, come to the same conclusions, because well, I’ve always had the same wish. Again, can’t tell you what, but I know it’s constantly happening for me.
And I hope it’s always happening for you too.
Cheers to 24,
CGFOTY
shari wei 