I feel like shit, and I’m laying on my couch without a shirt on. I find some solace in feeling this way, knowing I used to feel some semblance of this every day.
Last night, I stayed up until 6AM watching Gregg Araki’s Splendor and bullshit videos. I know, I know what we’re thinking. Something about mentionning Gregg Araki is like, ticking off a word bomb, signaling out some form of lust for indie. It was a great movie and I enjoyed it. I can earnestly say that. (Joke if you have seen the movie)
I took a swig of tequila at some point in the night and that made me feel delirious. I always think I can handle a smidge of liquor but that is really not the case. I like a challenge, though.
I just changed into my neon yellow Skin t-shirt and new underwear and took my medications. I drank a fuck load of water and hit my vape with the screen and the water fidget on it. I scroll on my phone, distractedly so, and I love Chinese Trump.
It feels like all my thoughts have been sucked out of me, out of thin air, dissipating into words of nothingness. I’m good at that. I’m good at making nothing into sounding important.
It’s funny when other Gen-Z say things such as, “bruh the historians are definitely skipping our generation”. Oh no, they are definitely marking this one. They are definitely jotting down every millisecond of it. I don’t even think a historian from half a century ago could have ever grasped the demonic future of us under the guise of an ever accelerating future. Now, we have every ** bot to tell us what we are, and who we should become.
I asterisk’ed those two letters but you know exactly what I’m talking about. That rolls off the tip of our tongue easier than hugging a friend. That shit seeps in our brains harder than medicine could enter through the bloodstream.
I’m still on the couch, it’s 2:14pm and I’m leaving to Japan in 44 hours. The prospects of traveling has always excited me, but the TikTok voice that has now been the marker of traveler’s tales kills me. I do not want a rising tone indentation, I want to hear a true story maker. I want a story that bores me so badly that I fall asleep. What about your journey to a foreign place feels special to you than the top 10 dessert spots in ^_Tokyo, Japan_^? Which part of you do you feel firm in that feels true to you?
I just about have my grievances about every single thing that’s existed or come about ever, but that is too simple of an explanation. I do not despise modernity, in fact, I love it. I love the safety brake on my 2025 Lexus and I love juice level controlled vapes. It is the method in which we are embarking upon the journey of life that feels lifeless. You swear by screenshots, and so do I. Even an escape to the off-grid means a public announcement online that people should text you if they want to reach you. I like to complain because it holds me accountable to an ethics of living that I believe in. I like to shit on everything I’m also susceptible to so I can make better decisions next time. If I don’t get it quite this right this time, I probably will at some point down the line.
Back to the rot,
CGFOTY
shari wei 